Dreams for Love by (Me)

I am about to go to work and I am in a rush so I figured i post this again. Please listen to it and tell me your honest opinion on it. Its my first song that I ever wrote and it would mean alot to me to have good feedback on it. Have a great weekend everyone!!!

More of my Life Story….

Well, since I have some time before I go to sleep tonight and just have been reflecting on my life today before work I wanted to share what my life has been like for the past two and a half years. I am halfway to what I want in terms of building this life in Sonoma County and I truly believe, I will get everything else in time, just have to keep on moving forward.

So, that being said November 7th 2013, my husband and I separated. We are¬†still good friends and I believe we will get back together soonūüôā That night though we stayed at a hotel with two cats, I had no where to go till the next day, and the next day he went back home to live with his mother. I luckily through trusting life found a place to stay at for a few months but that was a HUGE MISTAKE¬†(HUGE MISTAKE) as I will soon tell you. I still saw Bryan¬†occasionally, a few weeks later we both got a job at the same company, different shifts but still saw each other ironic huhūüôā We even went to services together sometimes and he kissed me at one of them, we also still went to the Jewish film festival together at our local temple and one night he was chasing me around… Got to admit I loved it that night.¬†Finally, he even also left me this plate thing one night that said I loved you some time around¬†April of 2014

Well,my living situation was horrible, I had gotten really sick (found out I was anemic among other things) and was getting severe headaches (had to quit my job because of it) and my landlady was crazy. Literally crazy. She was very critical, she was a hoarder with everything in her garage, she even just went in my room one day that I was paying for and just washed all my clothes without my permission and left everything in the backyard on top of my luggage. No one touches my clothes NO ONE¬†ūüôā I take pride in what I wearūüôā

But anyways I still had wanted to move to Santa Rosa and so April 4th of 2014 I had decided to try… That night my landlady had tried to poison me with some voodoo spell, I swear on my life. She had given me some food but I had gotten really really sick to my stomach while we were talking. I texted Bryan over facebook saying that I needed to see him in the morning before I left. He cameūüôā Luckily after I slept my stomach was feeling better so I was able to go. We went to eat, then I went to his house because he wanted to show me something,we said our goodbyes and as right as I went back to my car to give my cat some water, he came out in tears (that was the first time I think I ever saw him cry over me and I knew he really loved me )… I left,came back to Fresno after two days. Bryan left to go to Eureka to sort out his life a month later. ¬†I stayed in Fresno for two more months.

June 1st I had to leave where I was living because i wasn’t working and my landlady was still nuts. ¬†So, sadly to say I was homeless in Fresno, California. Something I thought would never happen to me. I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, went to some of the top schools in the state, ¬†but because of my family history, I did not want to go back home. So I was homeless. It was something to this day I don’t think I have truly processed but I learned so much about life from this¬†experience…

I went to this bootcamp of a shelter. It really was a bootcamp, they wanted you out at 6 in the morning and you had to be back by 4 45 or you couldn’t stay there over night. They made you wait in line to take attendance every night, we had to¬†show in outside lockers, and we slept in an annex with bunk beds, it was awful, it was just plain awful. I did that for about a month. One day I even had to jump over a train just so I wouldn’t be late to get in the shelter for that night. During the time that I was there I would drive around Fresno and I had gone to a gas station one day to fill up my car and¬†¬†I had found this card he had given me. As a result, ¬†I decided to try to go back to Santa Rosa just one more time. I wanted ¬†to see if I could make it work, over a card, I tell you, over a card that made me cry for months,¬†months. It said that he loved me and he wanted this life here…

So on July 8th, I drove up here to Santa Rosa with 300 dollars in my pocket and a HUGE LEAP OF Faith.It was one of those things if I dont do it now I never will. SO I ¬†went… n First night I stayed at a hotel, second night I was at a very strict Christian shelter for women where they had a mandatory Bible study every night. I’m Jewish so I have to tell you this experience was quite interesting. They even tried to get me to convert. I was like no.I found a temporary job two weeks later (still work there ). Then I was working for Macy’s as seasonal help for a while till the holidays. I was able to stay at that shelter till the end of Jan of 2015. During this time also I also had to give up my car due to my money situation so I had to learn to rely on public transportation. Most of the women there had a history of homelessness, some were drug addicts trying to stay sober, others were there for other reasons. We slept on bunk beds. I just kept my cool and stayed focused on goals.

When I left the shelter,  I stayed at a hotel for about 6 weeks. An acquaintance that I knew from the shelter ended up joining me at the hotel and we decided to do the nomadic shelter for a week to try to save some money till we got into a another shelter. The nomadic shelter was during the winter where I would be at a different church each night. They served us dinner and gave us sleeping bags and pillows to use for the night. We was woken up at 5 30 in the morning and had to be back there at around 6pm.   Showers had to be taken at this local day center for the homeless.

I was working temporarily (and I had a little help from family) but I still did not have enough money to rent a room or pay for a security deposit. So ¬†after that I went to another local shelter in Petaluma, California. I was there for 6 months working different jobs but I was at it everyday searching for something more permanent and something that ¬†I wanted to stay at. I wanted my life here,I wanted a job that I knew I wanted to stay at. ¬†This shelter wanted us up around 7 30 so we can do our chores (which had to be done at least once a day or we couldn’t stay for the night) ¬†I continued to look for jobs every day.Still was doing a lot of job hopping… August of 2015, I found a job.

One thing I liked about this shelter was that they had a transitional housing program. I figured that was the best thing for me to do next so I could save some money till I got ¬†a room or a place of my own to live. After I got that position, I was able to move in to the transitional house. I was there for 7 months. January 2016th, I got a part time assistant job teacher at my local temple, (job 2) I was also part of a play during my time at the transitional house .I also started playing a dinky old piano in downtown Petaluma just for the sake ¬†of it. I became a street performer. (It’s so cool)….. ¬†It took me about 3 months to find a room where I wanted to be. (Did not know what I wanted to do next in terms of housing) I liked the house I got, My roomates were always very kind to me and even though I was hardly there I felt like things were finally starting to become more stable again. It really was a huge transition to where I was the¬†year before.

April 1st I moved into my place that I am at now. ¬†¬†I live in a beautiful house right behind a gorgeous shopping center. Public transportation is so close. I am really lucky… ¬†I also want to stay where I am working because I love it.. ¬†A¬†month later I got my third job, which is only a 6 minute walk to my room . I left the other one because management was treating me horribly and you know me I don’t take that crap… So I left. I have been where I am now since then and I am still saving money, and I am getting to where I want to be.

Everything is finally coming together. I still want¬†Bryan back (of course, that is #1)….. Additionally, I want a¬†house and I want to be able to drive again but IM getting there. It¬†really comes to show you can do anything you want. You just need the mindset and need to be able to face your fears and trust life a little. You need the strength to over come those obstacles and you need to have the faith to keep on going every day…

I can’t wait to see what else is in store for me but I am not giving up on building this life. I love it up here.I truly do and I’m so proud of myself for how far a disabled, Jewish separated married woman has come. ¬†Not just with building this life but just with how much happiness and how much fulfillment I have of life now.Bryan I love you….. Thank you for this helping me make my dream a reality despite the hurdles I faced to get there… I

Can’t wait to finish what I started to do.. I’m halfway there… Goodnight all.

Inspirational Song for Today: Pray for Peace

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

Image result for pray for peace

With all the turmoil going around today with riots, protests, violence, and blood-shed, there is one thing that we know for certain… There is Power in Prayer.  Let us come together in prayer and continue to pray for Peace to come and that God’s will be done on this earth as it is in Heaven.

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